Historical Selfies, LOL Feminism. Give me tuna instead!

I love the internet.  Seriously, I always wish we could bring back famous dead people and see what their reaction would be/how they would handle the internet.  I can just imagine Napoleon Buonaparte taking selfies or posting in an online dating forum.

LonelyinElba4U- online now!

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 Likes: attempting to conquer large European nations, standing with hand in front of shirt, posing dramatically on horses for paintings

Looking for: That one special lady who can handle a whole lot of dynamite packed into all 5’6” of this love machine.  Must be clean, non-smoker, like dogs, okay with living in exile for long periods of time, and being with a man who knows how to lay down the law–that’s right baby, as in my very own Napoleonic Code 😉  Hit me up if you’re interested!

 

This site can be credited for the awesome Napoleon selfie!

Or what if famous historical people could ask for dating/marriage advice?  Anne Boleyn writes to dating coach Evan Mark Katz for advice:

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Dear Evan,

My husband recently became very withdrawn and non-affectionate since the birth of our daughter, Elizabeth.  Where he was once all over me and daresay I, a touch “handsy,” now he avoids me like the Bubonic Plague!  I am doing my best to make him see me in the same light he did before I had the baby….and  I know he MUST love me, I mean, the man BASICALLY caused a schism in the entire fabric of the Church in our country because he wanted to divorce his wife before me (she just didn’t “get” him, but I know I’m special!  He’s TOLD me so like, a gazillion times!).  It’s just so hard to keep a man hooked when you have all these 14-year olds prime and ready for the picking around here!  Please help me, Evan!

-Losing My Head

Dear Losing My Head,

Your husband sounds like he is the classic emotionally unavailable man, and it sounds like he just isn’t doing what he needs to do on HIS part to keep you happy in the relationship!  Remember, the best kinds of relationships are built on mutual love, respect, and trust.  If he isn’t showing you these then you might want to think of leaving for someone who can better fulfill your needs, otherwise, his emotional unavailability might really cause you to ‘Lose Your Head.’

-EMK

***

Switching gears, you know who also would do REALLY awesome on the internet?  Abraham Lincoln.  As this site points out, Lincoln was actually the original hipster.   Think about it: Lincoln would have been all over his own blog or website.  He was tall, lanky, moody, and had his own fashion sense.  

From the Hipster Lincoln on Tumblr:

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Okay, okay, so now digressing to the other part of this post.  So we’ve established the internet is fantastic and everyone who never had the ability to watch the Hampster Dance or Nyan Cat  just because they HAPPENED to have died before it was fully realized into its current state of awesomeness really missed out, there’s also SO much epic fail.

I’m not a fan of the hate of (insert any type of group here).  Recently I guess there’s been all this hoopla over the Fat Acceptance Movement?  It makes me think of this (except in reverse, I guess?  I have no idea):

comparing-weights

Except, lezz be real, because I think the REAL issue is THIS:

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All right people, let’s get real here.  These are some serious pugs who will develop some major body image issues so we need to just back off and let them be free.  Pugs gotta do their thang!

Can we just accept that humans have bodies and some bodies are bigger or smaller than other bodies or different colors and with more or less fingers or have tiger tattoos everywhere and people can be attracted to what they want to be attracted to??. No one is wrong for “having curves” or being “stick thin” or super muscular or whatever! Let’s just stop hating on x as opposed to y. Fit people, go bust out another set of reps instead of hating on bigger people. Bigger people, just do your thing and don’t listen to the haters. Skinny people keep on being skinny with your crazy fast metabolisms that make me jealous. Tiger man, you do you, boo boo.

UnknownAnd that’s okay, and yes, healthy lifestyles are encouraged but can we please get past the hating on people too thin/fat/feline?  Because I know for me sometimes I’m really all about fitness (like 2 Hours in the gym a day!), and sometimes I’m really all about sitting on my couch and eating pop-tarts and watching bad horror movies and Forensic files and it goes in cycles and I do what I feel like I need to do at the time. And the good news is big people can get smaller and small people can get bigger and tiger man can get even more tiger and it’s all going to be okay in the end!

Also, apparently another thing to hate on right now is feminism, because who doesn’t love to hate on human rights?  Well, don’t worry, I’ve got a site that explains EXACTLY why we don’t need feminism:

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Go home, internet, you’re drunk.  Where is my tuna?  Here’s a selfie of Bill Clinton (someone who actually isn’t dead yet who really appreciates the internet!).

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-KP out!

 

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