When There Is No Closure.

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Hello, all.  In the wake of recent events, KP has decided to take a break from social media (for my Facebook friends and followers, I will be back), and focus on her writing and offline life. Very recently, a relationship/friendship ended very abruptly; and in its aftermath I am trying to put some of the pieces back together.  It’s almost like an arm or a leg was cut off, and I’m feeling the effects of phantom-limb-syndrome.  For those who know the feeling all too well (and for those who don’t), it runs along the lines of: They were just there!  We were talking and communicating and suddenly they decided they didn’t want me in their life anymore!  What did I do?  What wasn’t “enough” about me for them?  Was I not kind/considerate/attractive/Christian/insert-adjective-of-choice-here-enough for them?  How are they just gone?  What happened? I have done things in my life I am not proud of; and I can remember just about every major incident where I was a really shitty person.  However, when it has come to really cultivating friendships and relationships were I believed there was potential, I don’t believe I have ever done an emotional 180 on someone, and so I can’t identify with that modus operandi.  

***

Back in 2011, I began Kinpatsu Oneesan as a travel blog, but over time it has evolved to include satire, humor, opinions, and personal experiences and observations.  Even if writing only remains a lifelong hobby, I believe that in order to become a better writer, we have to share what we know to be true so we can connect with others.  Part of this is sharing our failures…and part is sharing the journey to healing.  And sometimes, you know, I’ll hear the right voice in my heart, the voice toward the path of healing and growth, but the voices of self-doubt just as readily creep in (especially in the early stages of grief), and I think getting these words down is part of the path.  Kind of like, “Fake it ’til you make it.”  Even if I don’t 100% believe it just yet, I know it’s the truth and the right way and if I just go over it again and again and constantly re-affirm it, I will eventually believe it fully.  And maybe there are some people who are hurting in the same way in this world, and maybe they can identify and/or find solace in these words.

  ***

For my readers who have been left hurt, confused, and damaged by people who were too self-absorbed/thought they were entitled to behave in thoughtless and careless behavior, although maybe now these words can not alleviate the heartache they have dealt, know this: YOU ARE ENOUGH.

I know what it feels like to wait for a phone call that never comes, an apology that is never given.  To desire closure when there is none.

I know what it is like to be ignored; like an annoying itch or some minor nuisance.  To be degraded down to that by another human is awful and perhaps one of the greatest blows to the Ego.  “If I just ignore them, maybe they’ll just get the hint and go away.”  Or, “If I can nitpick them and continue to find as many flaws as I can, I can convince myself they’re all wrong and get the hell out of this.  I can shirk the responsibility of dealing with the realities of this relationship in a healthy, adult manner and just project my own emotional issues and self-loathing onto this person.”  This is cruel and belittling, especially by one who has professed to be a friend and has gained our trust and confidence in that they supposedly care about us and our lives and feelings.  For some people, this can turn into emotional abuse.

None of this is about us, which is so hard to accept, right?  When you hear people say, “Don’t take it personally!” it’s like, “Are you kidding me?  This is a relationship/friendship/family tie–how much more f*%king personal does it get?!”

But it’s still not about us.  How other people treat us is a reflection of who they are.  Ignoring, not communicating, the vanishing act, etc., are actions indicative of people who have respect issues.  Remember, you are a living, breathing, thinking, feeling human being.  Not a novelty toy.  Not something hat gets discarded when its initial shine has worn off. And so, for all of those who have had a friend/significant other/family member just disengage, here is your closure: Selfish people take selfish actions.

*** images Oftentimes, there is no ill-will or malice involved with these flip-floppers, but there’s also no ownership of actions either.  They most likely have issues they are dealing with, but that’s NOT AN EXCUSE to make others emotional collateral.  All actions have consequences.  We must not be afraid to stand behind that truth. -With kindness and healing, KP

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5 thoughts on “When There Is No Closure.

    • Thank you, and thank you for following. It has definitely been a very sad time, but I think…over time slowly…we learn who we should let in and who we should keep out. Unfortunately, experience is the most brutal of all teachers. I look forward to reading your blog.

      Much kindness
      – KP

  1. You are welcome. I love your idea of Experience being a brutal teacher, that is so true! Grief, disappointment and despair are so terrible, but they also give us a gift of printing of pure emotion on a page. Are you sure you want to stop writing your blog right now? (((Hugs))) Gia x

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